πŸ˜„πŸ˜˜Long & Funny

3 guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk staggers in and points to the guy in the middle. "Your mom is the best sex in town." Everyone expects a fight but he ignores him.
10 minutes later. "I just did your mom it was sweeeet"
Finally the guy shouts
"Go home dad, you're drunk.

 


 

MARRIAGE ..... When dating goes too far .....

.........................................................................................

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral She finds that he's in his brown suit but she wanted him buried in his blue suit. The mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in and miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit. "How did it happen so quick" said the widow. The funeral director said, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!


 

😜😑

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked  "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?"  "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."


 

😏😣

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence, he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, he says "Cold floors," they nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. he says "I quit," "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."


 

😚

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE  Already told you twice, my husband, your boss, died last week!  he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."


 

πŸ˜…

A young woman came home from a date,

rather sad. She told her mother,

"Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?"

her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist, He

doesn't even believe there's a Hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway.

Between the two of us, we'll show him

just how wrong he is."


 

😎

2 young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter
'Son, how old are you?' '8' the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know how these are used?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for my brother, he's 4. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one.'


 

😐

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said "They are finally together"
Do you think he means her first, second or third husband? The friend replied, I think he means her legs.