Medium & Funny 😘

Two days ago, my friend Arthur ran

off with my wife.”

“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”

“Since two days ago.”


 

😊😢

Three guys are discussing women.

"I like to watch a woman's breasts best",

The second says "I like to look at a woman's

arse." He asks the third guy

"What about you?". "Me?

I prefer to see the top of her head."


 

😊😁

 "Please help me doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7!"
"But that is a very healthy thing, Mr. Richards!"
"It would be, if I didn't usually wake up at 8:30!"


 

Medium & Funny

A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood.
"A police car has just called at the smiths house, the Jones are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex."
"How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?" "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."


 

😑😀

A woman with really hairy armpits boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles. A drunk man next to her tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics." The woman replies angrily, "I don't do aerobics!" The drunk man says, "Then how did you get your leg up so high?"


 

😐😘

The mortician calls Mrs. Jones and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Jones, but I can't seem to close the lid on your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection."
"Just cut it off and stick it up his arse? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."


 

😢😲

"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor.
"Has she started to neglect you?"
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to sex or says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?"
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, "but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!'"


 

πŸ˜”πŸ˜

A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?"  "Once, and I saw rage."  "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."


 

Medium & Funny πŸ˜‡πŸ˜„

A man walks into a shop and sees

a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper,

"Does your dog bite?"

"No, my dog does not bite."

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog

bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you

said your dog does not bite!"

The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"


 

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‰

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground

and runs crying to the teacher.

She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my

big sister say that whenever she has a prick

in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider.


Big GrinBlink

Medium & Funny 😏

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.