Short & Funny 👴
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Son: Daddy im scared what if the
plane goes down.
Dad: Don’t worry son your mum is on board
and she never goes down.
Dad: I mean just play with your iPad.
Police Station toilet stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror
says to wife, "Look at that,
14 stones of pure dynamite!
"Yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse ..."
I didn't say it was your fault,
I said I was blaming you.
What is a light year?
The same as a regular
year but with less calories.
I didn't make you quite as intelligent as the woman so here's a little something that will do your thinking for you...
It's easier to remember your age
if you don't change it every year.
The road to success
is always under construction....
Some people feel the rain.
Others just get wet.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well. 👵
Short & Funny
My doctor told me today
I need to watch my drinking.
I now drink in front
of a mirror.
I walked into the gym and see
a bunch of ladies working out,
I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to
impress the ladies?”
“Try the ATM ”.
Why is it that good people are always the
ones who get screwed over?
The other day I gave my seat to an old lady
on the bus and then I got fired
from my job as a bus driver.
Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down
to his level and beat
you with experience......
What do you call a troublesome girl
in charge of her tribe?
Little Miss Chief
What do you call a bull
that likes taking a nap?
There's no future in time travel. 🐙
More Short & Funny
Q. Why do the French like
to eat snails so much?
A. They can’t stand fast food.
Why couldn’t Mrs. Dracula sleep properly?
Because of Dracula’s coffin.
Yoda lady who?
Good job yodeling!
I’ve been really depressed lately
A friend told me I should go to
the petting zoo perhaps,
to cheer up. I went today but
no one would stroke me
Patient: Where exactly are you
taking me, doctor?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Patient: What? But I’m not dead
Doctor: We’re not there yet.
how many extra-terrestrials do you know?
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
If I agreed with you
we'd both be wrong.😄
Why do Bees hum?
They don't remember the text.
Maybe if we start telling
people the brain is an app
they will start using it.
I want to be invited
but I don't want to go.
Is your name Wi-Fi?
Because I'm feeling a connection.
Time may be a great healer
but it's also a lousy beautician.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.🐧
the worst thing about being lonely?
A. Playing Frisbee.
What goes up and down
but never moves?
The inventor of AutoCorrect
is a stupid mass hole.
He can fake right off.
At a psychiatric ward:
“Doctor, what should we do
with the new guy in room 6?
He believes he’s a wolf.”
Doctor whatever you do,
don't let his grandmother visit.
Better to remain silent
and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
Wisdom doesn't necessarily
come with age.
Sometimes age just shows up
all by itself
What is sticky and brown?
Love is the triumph
I bet you I could stop gambling.🐩
Definition of Stalking:
When two people go for a long
romantic walk together
but only one of them knows about it.
Just had a really big argument
with my wife about going on holiday.
I wanted to go to Paris,
she wanted to come with me.
What Bee’s produce milk? Boo-bees.
Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up
Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hi, honey.
Marriage is a three ring circus engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering ...