Medium Jokes


A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds

section with the heading

"Wife Wanted.

"The next day he received a hundred letters saying

"You can have mine. "


"Do you have any batteries? "

a woman asks the hardware store clerk.

"Yes, m'am. " The clerk gestures with his finger.

"Can you come this way? "

"If I could come that way," the woman says,

"I wouldn't need the batteries. "




During an auction of exotic pets,

a woman who had placed a winning bid

told the auctioneer,

"I'm paying a fortune for that parrot.

I hope he talks as well as you say he does.

"I guarantee it, madam,"

replied the auctioneer.

"Who do you think was bidding against you? "



Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.

The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.

After a few minutes,

one rabbit turned to the other and said,

"Well, do you want to make a run for it

or stay here a few days and outnumber them? "


A man called the undertaker

one afternoon and sobbed:

"Come and bury my wife.

"But I buried your wife

ten years ago,"

replied the undertaker.

"I got married again,"

the man sobbed. "Oh,"

said the undertaker.

"Congratulations. "



A man took his wife to the doctors.

After a short examination the doctor said

"Your wife's mind has completely gone! "

To which the man replied

"I'm not surprised.

She's been giving a piece of it to me

every day for the past 25 years! "



"Great, just what I need,"

she moaned as he brought home

a new microwave oven.

"One more thing that heats up

instantly and goes off in twenty seconds. "



A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a walk

in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf

rubbing noses. "Boy," said the farmer,

"that sure makes me want to do the same.

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow. "