Laugh Out Loud 😘😃

Two married buddies are {#smileys123.tonqueout}ut drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands Big Grinn my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' and she's always sound asleep."


 

😃😉😄😁 I Can't Stop Laughing


A blonde walked in on her husband having an affair. She was so angry she pulled out a gun and pWildinted it to her own head. She was about to pull the trigger, when her husband said, "No, don't!" and she replied, "Shut up, you're next!"


 

Funny Ha Ha 😵

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bWhistleught me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"


 

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😃😉

A lady went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex. The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed. She replied "Coolh doctor, I can't... my dog's breath is awful!".....


 

Ha Ha 😔

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my mCoolney, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"......


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😁😊

Your honour, I am 75 years old. So here I am, sitting there on my porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me. He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honour. So I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honour. Why, Your Honour, I haven't felt that good in years! So I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!" That's when he yelled, "April Fool" and that's when I shot the Fucking SConfusedn of a Bitch!!


 

LOL😉

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someBlinkne on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"..........


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He he 😏😵

If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Coolnly 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad!


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LOL😎

In the days before birth control pills, a young bride-to-be asked

her gynecologist to recommend some sort of contraceptive.

He suggested she try withdraw, douches or condoms.

Several years later, the woman was walking down the street with three children when she happened to run across her old doctor.

"I see you decided not to take my advice,"

he said, eyeing the young children.

"Wildn the contrary, doc," she exclaimed, "Davey here was a pullout, Darcy was a washout, and Delores was a blowout!"


 

😖

A guy is walking around in a supermarket yelling, "Cris-co, Cris-co?" A store clerk says to him, "Sir, the Crisco is in Aisle Five." He says, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I'm calling my wife." The clerk says, "Your wife is named Crisco'?" He says, "No, I only call her that in public." The clerk says, "What do you call her when you're home?" He says, "Lard arse."............... SickSad


 

😊

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, a clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I dKissn't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"


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😄

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labour!" The nurse says, "Calm dHehewn. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her fucking husband!"


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LMAO😄

Researcher: Excuse me madam,

I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?

Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television...

WSadman: Very uncomfortable,

I would imagine!