Longer Jokes 😊

 A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. As soon as they got back, the bride rang her mother and started to cry. "He's been using these 4-letter words! You've got to take me home. "Darling, tell your mother what 4-letter words!.
Dust, wash, iron,cook..
"I'll pick you up in 20 minutes," said her mother.

Longer Jokes 😊

 A man goes to the barber for a shave. "I need a close shave around the cheeks"
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Longer Jokes 😊

A man is lying in bed in the hospital

with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse appears to sponge

his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask,

"Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,

"I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask,

"Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his

gown, holds his penis in one hand and his

testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and  says

"There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask

and replies,

"That was very nice but,

are... my... test... results... back.

Longer Jokes 😊

A woman came home just in time to find

her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury,

she dragged her husband down the stairs to

the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

She then secured it tightly and removed

the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, ‘Stop! Stop!

You're not going to cut it off are you?’

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye,

said, ‘Nope. You are.

I'm going to set the garage on fire.

Longer Jokes 😊

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".

Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.



Longer Jokes πŸ‘€

A man in a pub asks for a beer. πŸ‘€πŸ‘€

The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."

"One dollar?" exclaims the man.

Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"

"Certainly," says the barman,

"that'll be two dollars."

"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking.

Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

A couple were married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, in the same room.

She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the

bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry.

She says,

"What's the matter? "

He says,

"Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it.

Now it looks like it can't wait

to eat me. "


Longer Jokes 😘

 A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

Longer Jokes😐

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you. " The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.