I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. 😐
Funny Puns 😁
A funeral was held today for the inventor
of air conditioning.
Thousands of fans attended.
The other truck drivers discovered
that she had been wearing French perfume
it was lorry hell.
Eve showed up one morning wearing flowers
instead of a fig leaf.
She was the first woman to wear bloomers.
A man stole a case of soap from the corner store.
The police said he made a clean getaway.
After his Theft and Robbery report..
Andy Tover was happy with the conclusion..
After hearing the case of the woman
who folded her clothes wrong,
the jury had no choice but to hanger.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant,
but then I changed my mind.
I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came...
Then it hit me!
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.
These, of course, are only round figures.
Did you hear about the man who left
his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end
I used to be a nun,
but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
What would you get if you crossed an
electric eel with a sponge?
A shock absorber
What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
When you dream in color,
it's a pigment of your imagination.
A museum is a thing of the past.
Did you like www. flower. com?
Not at first....but it grew on me!
Finally Achieved World Peas 😄
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.
A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
I heard a funny joke about
a boomerang earlier.
I'm sure it'll come back
to me eventually.
Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults
but that's just how I roll.
😊Get Otter Here
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
A: It becomes a little pale
During a drought, things just go from one ex-stream to another.
No thanks; the old one's still okay.
Birthday candles are for people who want to make light of their age.
When a whale dies, all the other whales sing a song...
It goes "Whale meat again...."
There was a Clown that got fired
from his job....
So he's suing the Circus for funfair dismissal.
The Mona Lisa was brought up in court on charges of murder,
but it turned out that she'd been framed.
It was a big pizza, but I ate olive it.
Did you hear about the new line of
Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?
They will be for people who love meat tender.
Weight loss pills stolen this morning -
police say suspects are still at large.
Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
In case he got a whole in one
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon
in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
I Promise I'm Not Lion 😊
Why did the little boy who was part of the
wedding party roar as he walked down
He was the ring bear.
Where do erasers go for vacation?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
A baby seal walks into a club.
7 days without pizza
makes one weak.
Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's
just how I roll.
I have a speed bump phobia but I'm slowly getting over it.
I thought about becoming
a witch, so I tried it for a spell.
I just walked past a shop that was giving out
dead batteries free of charge.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.
I really wanted a camouflage shirt,
but I couldn't find one.
I Don't Wanna Taco Bout It 😄
The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.
The magician got so mad he
pulled his hare out.
I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them they'd already bin and gone.
Just seen a sign that made me sh*t
It said “Bathroom closed”.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I’m not a mourning person.
RIP Hot Water, You Will Be Mist 😒
Met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last
week, phoned her up to arrange a date but
unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
A television weatherman was involved in an
accident, and broke both his arms and
both legs. He had to call in
from hospital to explain
about the four casts.