I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. 😐
Funny Puns 😁
After his Theft and Robbery report..
Andy Tover was happy with the conclusion..
After hearing the case of the woman
who folded her clothes wrong,
the jury had no choice but to hanger.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant,
but then I changed my mind.
I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came...
Then it hit me!
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.
These, of course, are only round figures.
Did you hear about the man who left
his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end
I used to be a nun,
but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
What would you get if you crossed an
electric eel with a sponge?
A shock absorber
What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
When you dream in color,
it's a pigment of your imagination.
A museum is a thing of the past.
Did you like www. flower. com?
Not at first....but it grew on me!
Funny Puns 😊
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
It becomes a little pale.
During a drought, things just go from one ex-stream to another.
No thanks; the old one's still okay.
Birthday candles are for people who want to make light
of their age.
When a whale dies, all the other whales sing a song...
It goes "Whale meat again...."
There was a Clown that got fired from his job....
So he's suing the Circus for funfair dismissal.
The Mona Lisa was brought up in court on charges of murder,
but it turned out that she'd been framed.
It was a big pizza, but I ate olive it.
Did you hear about the new line of
Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?
They will be for people who love meat tender.
Weight loss pills stolen this morning -
police say suspects are still at large.
Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
In case he got a whole in one.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.
A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually.
Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults
but that's just how I roll.
Why did the little boy who was part of the wedding party roar as he walked down the isle?
He was the ring bear.
Where do erasers go for vacation?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
A baby seal walks into a club.
7 days without pizza makes one weak.
Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's
just how I roll.
I have a speed bump phobia but I'm slowly getting over it.
I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.
I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries
free of charge.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.
The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.
The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them they'd already bin and gone.
Just seen a sign that made me sh*t myself…
It said “Bathroom closed”.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I’m not a mourning person.
Met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
A television weatherman was involved in an accident, and broke both his arms and both legs.
He had to call in from hospital to explain about the four casts.