Funny One Line Puns

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself

this is the last thing I need.

 

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

 

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

 

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

 

A book just fell on my head.

I've only got myshelf to blame.

 

 

Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
In case he got a whole in one.

 

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.

 

A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.

 

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

 

I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually.

 

Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's just how I roll.

 

 

Why did the little boy who was part of the wedding party roar as he walked down the isle?
He was the ring bear.

 

Where do erasers go for vacation?
To Erazona.

 

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

 

If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.

 

A baby seal walks into a club.

7 days without pizza makes one weak.

 

 

 

More Funny Puns

Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's just how I roll.

 

I have a speed bump phobia but I'm slowly getting over it.

 

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell. 

 

I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.

 

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

 

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

 

I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

 

 

The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.

 

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

 

I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them they'd already bin and gone.

 

Just seen a sign that made me sh*t myself…
It said “Bathroom closed”.

 

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I’m not a mourning person.