Short Jokes 😊

Q: How many letters are

there in the alphabet?

A: Twenty-four, because E. T. went home

What do you call a woodpecker

without a beak?

A headbanger

How should you treat

a baby goat?

Like a kid.

You Can't face the problem

if the problem is your faceSmile

Why do dogs turn around

three times before lying down?

One good turn deserves another.

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks,

"What would you like? "

the fish says holding his neck,

"Water "


Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake.

Sleep in another room then!

  Short Jokes😊😞


Be strong, I whispered to my WI-FI signal


What happened when the monster

stole a bottle of perfume?

He was convicted of fragrancy.

What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry!

Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten?
Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.


What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

Why did the computer act crazy?
It had a screw loose.

What do you call a ghost who

only haunts the Town Hall?

The nightmayor.

Doctor my husband smells like fish

Poor sole!

Waiter, there is a cockroach on my steak!

They don't seem to care what

they eat do they sir!

What do you do with a bachelor

who thinks he's God's gift?

Exchange him.

What did the cat say when he

lost all his money?

I'm paw!

Short JokesShocked

Sometimes I put my phone down

and do things with 2 hands,

like in the olden daysBig Grin


What would you do if a bull charged you?


I'd pay whatever it charged.

What do you get if you cross

a cow with a spaniel,

a poodle, and a rooster?

A cockerpoodlemoo!

What happened to the entertainer

who did a show for the cannibals?

He went down really well!

At what time of day was Adam born?
Just before Eve.

Why do people leave letters

at the football ground?

They want to catch the last goal-post!

Why is a bride always out of luck

on her wedding day?

Because she never marries the best man.

Q. Did you hear about the guy

who finally figured out  women?

A. He died laughing before

he could tell anybody.

I walked into a bar the other day

and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!

Yes sir, thats the manager,

the last customer was a witch doctor!

A patient phoned the doctors office. I'm on this medication for the rest of my life so why does it say ..No ..Refills

Police chief. As a recruit what would

you do if you had to arrest your mother? 

I would Call for backup.

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress


We operated on your eyes and we've managed

to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much. Doctor:

Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

A man went to the store

to buy some condoms.

That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax.

I don't need tacks it will

stay up all by itself.

The old lady told the pilot she had never

flown before. All i can say said the pilot.

I've never left anyone up there yet.

Did you hear about the shepherd

who drove his flock through town

and got a traffic ticket for

making a ewe turn.

Why was philips girlfriend disappointed?

She found out that phillips 24inch

was a television

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.

On their first night both were crying - Why?

Reason - Because she didn't know anything

and he had forgotten everything..!

Did you hear about the girl

who was so keen on road safety

that she always wore white at night?

Last Winter she was knocked down

by a snow plough.

A great scientist developed a bra that stops womens boobs from bouncing while running. His colleagues have killed him.

Warning to shoplifters.. Anyone caught will

be beaten, gagged,whipped and tortured.

Any survivors will be prosecuted..

How do you make a car go backwards

without touching it...

Reverse psychology.

Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

I got pulled over by a traffic cop.

He walked up to my window and said,

“Papers.” I said, “Scissors,

I win…” and I drove off.

He must be desperate

for a re-match because

he’s been chasing me for ages.

My aunt died, God bless her,

at a ripe old age of 104.

We called her Aunt Tique

I’m writing a book about WD-40.

It’s non-friction.

Q: What kind of aftershave do genetic scientists wear?
A: Eau de clone.

My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyone's hair.

Short JMadokes

Getting married is like

buying a dishwasher.

You'll never have

to do it by hand again.Wink

Q: What's the difference between

a banjo and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you

chop up a banjo

Q. What's the difference between

medium and rare?

A. 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?

A. A dentist lets you sit down

while he hurts you.

Q:Why do people become bakers?

A:Because they knead the dough!

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?

A. No ball room

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty.

What did the cow say to the other cow?

Nothing because they cant talk

What dog can't bark?

A hot dog.

Research shows that 90% of men don't know

how to use a condom,

these people are called Dads

Why is it a bad idea to insult an octopus?

Because it is well armed!

You know that tingly feeling

you get when you like someone?

That’s common sense leaving your body.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

What is the difference between

your first honeymoon and your second?

The first: Niagara; the second: Viagra.

At a nudist wedding, you don't have to ask -

you can see who the best man is

 "Patience" is a naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tre

Q. What do you call an alligator

who wears a vest?

An investigator.

The other day my girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So we went out and had some drinks. He’s a cool guy, wants to become a web developer.

Just named my dog ‘Tenmiles’

so now I can say

I walk ten miles every day.

What has four legs and says boo?
A cow with a cold.

What do you call a person

 that is happy on a monday?